so fucked up!!!

I am bitter… I am sad

I am everything else but glad

I don’t cry often… but I cry so hard

Even the church’s bell would fall apart

Messed up is the life I’ve been living

Nobody else to point a finger on but me

I’ve acknowledged my fault… and owned up defeat

This entire acceptance are all for what?

Somebody said… it’s a process I must go through

To become a better person than I am now

Although the words sounded sweet

The promise it makes is too frail for me to hold on to

Lost I am now in my delusion

Uncertainty consumes me wholly

Desperation has become my second skin

Always there to annoy and ridicule me

Silent thoughts I reflect upon each deserted nights

Completely drives my sanity away

Hope is such a rare commodity

I can barely recall the last time I relied upon it

Since life would always play its ploy on me

I managed to linger and let time pass me by

While I stay stagnant and immobile

As I cuddle up in my flimsy little shell

Wouldn’t it be better if I could just sleep all throughout my living years?

No worries… no anguish… only hushed slumber

No mistakes to make… no crucial decisions to take

Probably no bliss to feel… and yet no grief to undergo as well

Which in turn makes me wonder?

Does agony and delight come together in one package?

Do I need to feel pain in order to experience joy?

All these questions make it even harder for me to comprehend life

A prayer or two might be of help but will my call be heard

Until then I shall be a nomad in a restless world

Taking everything in stride, measuring every careful step

Practically ready to stagger and plunge into the depths of disappointment at any given time

And still able to stand up… and carry on with my journey

Expecting the unexpected… defying the odds… breaking the rules

And forever hoping for a happily-ever- after ending